Manny Being Money

For any of us who entertained the idea of the Phils acquiring Moonshot Manny to be our new clutch slugger and swaggercat in leftfield, the whispers appear to tell us this much: dream on. It doesn't take an Aerosmith fan to realize that this deal was most likely pie-in-the-sky thinking. Sighing, very much sighing.

It sure would be great to have that kind force in the middle of the lineup - one that inspires in opposing pitchers actual fear; one that snears first at delivery, then again after depositing that delivery somewhere on the avenue. His temperament and lack of defensive skills nonwithstanding, he is THE premier right-handed slugger in the game. Imagine hearing this on opening day: batting 3rd, Utley; batting 4th, Ramirez; batting 5th Howard. In this park? Are you kidding? Suddenly thousands of red t-shirts with #24 on the back would be crawling through the south Philly confines, many of them attached to female fans us single folk would lear and oggle for too long. IT MUST BE SUMMERTIME!!!!

Alas, if the reports are true, it's not what the moneyman would want, regardless of his friendship with former skip and current local general Charlie Manual. He would nullify such a trade. His $18 million contract probably would throw a wrench in things as well, even if one of the current Phils' big boppers were moved in his financial entirety in kind. Whether or not it would be a wise move, its sad in this regard:

Why not, Manny? Why not us? We have the bars, the nightlife, the foolish devotion and passion, the city history, the sports drought, even the homer-friendly park. You can even have your own fan group in the tradition of Thome's Homies, the Wolf Pack, the Padilla Flotilla, Burrell's Girls, and Lieberthal's Neanderthals. Imagine looking up every at bat to see Manny's Fannies!

Tell us what you want: your own sandwich? An open tab at the Turf Club? Private booth at Delilah's? WHY WON'T YOU LOVE US?

Painful.